wishin liars got to heaven
i was talking today to a girl i haven�t seen nor even heard from in over two years. she�s got a great job in the same industry i want to get into and she�s getting married at the end of july. fuck i am happy for her. she�s 21 and already her life seems on track and planned out.
me, i live my life one day to the next with out any direction or motivation. i take what i can get, whenever it comes along.
this new boy [not newboy but you know, a new boy in my life] is so, so, so much cooler than me. i am very worried that he will realise this and, like, never want to speak to me again.
man, i can only imagine the places he�s been, the things he has seen. the audiences he�s played in front of. and how can some kid from the south west of this town who listens to nada surf ever compete with all this?
he needs to be with someone glam. a skinny girl with one of those big moppish fringes, a short skirt and a $9 pre-mixed drink in her hand as she makes her way through the hippest night club in town that she just paid a 20 dollar cover charge to get into.
instead there�s me. the girl who would much rather be spending friday night seeing the very emo-ish after the fall at the annandale. standing up the back talking over a beer. or at home in front of the newcastle, brisbane game on tv with a pizza and some coke.
but i can�t lose him to some pop princess, because i don�t ever remember feeling like this about a guy before. like i said, he makes me giddy. he�s arrgh, i can�t even describe it. he�s sweet, and his humour is gentle. he�s cute and he wears a scarf and he buys me breakfast. he works nights in a porn store in the seediest part of this city, but sometimes he raps for a band that most of you australians will have heard of. his hair is messy and he has a bit of bad-ass stubble going on. he adores chevy chase era saturday night live and the d-generation. he listens to me when i spend 20 minutes talking about nada surf and he is counting down the days until the new beasties album is released.
but mainly it�s just that he listens to me. soaks in what i say. i don�t think anyone�s ever listened to what i�ve had to say like he did on saturday morning.
but you know what? since i have started this diet bizzo, i have lost 6kgs. fuck me, that�s heaps yo.
and then i keep thinking back to this boy jeremy. i don�t feel any guilt about going after someone else. just, umm, a little bit of regret that i probably wont ever get to sleep with him. but that�s cool because we�ll always be friends, with or without the sex. in fact, it�s probably better that we don�t fuck. it�s always been the possibility of something more that interests me.
13/05/2004 00:41