starry configurations
from the computer of mr matthew caws: it reminded me of a night on a train when i was 25, traveling through europe with saskia, who was my girlfriend at the time, on our way from biarritz to algeciras, a port in the south of spain where you can get a ferry to morocco. we were sharing the sleeper car with a moroccan family of 5 (who would hide a child and pose as four when the ticket collector or border agent would visit) and a live chicken. saskia and i were sleeping in opposite bunks, as we wouldn�t both fit on one. the little sliding windows at the top were wide open. it was summer. i was in the top bunk, facing the wind which was racing right into me. it was too hot to wear anything more than shorts, but we were both wearing our passports and money around our waists, as we had been for the last four weeks. i listened to pavement�s �slanted and enchanted� over and over that summer. saskia had some valium with her for the plane crossings, and i�d taken some that before getting in my bunk. that night, brightly moonlit, the constantly strong wind on me like a blanket, skin feeling tight and good from a day by the sea, listening to those amazing hooks over and over, was perfect. when i finally fell asleep, i was woken again an hour later by a strange feeling of floating. i all of a sudden remembered that someone had said that due to france and spain having different distances between the rails, the cars would have to be lifted by crane from one track to the other. i looked out to the ground far below, spinning slowly.
god that makes me melt. and dream... you�ll be the caws-esque boy, listening to slanted and enchanted. and i�ll be the girl he�s in love with, the hero of the tale. and we�ll crisscross our way across europe via train tracks. or maybe i�ll be the one listening to pavement. you seem to be more content in your own music. you�ll be staring out the window. thinking, thinking. seeing things on a completely different level than i do.
but. there�s so much good music out there that i want to show you. i might start mailing you mix cd�s. of songs that mean stuff to me and of songs i think you should hear. you deserve it.
and now. to a different boy in a completely different part of this state.
attention 9am starbucks patrons! do you see the way he smiles at me as i drink my iced latte ?? do you see the way he looks at me ?? it�s the most intense thing i have ever experienced. but do you hear the way we struggle for conversation ?? because in reality, where i haven�t just had six million drinks and a night of political and musical conversation, we have nothing in common. or maybe suddenly i�m shy. whatever.
he makes me late for work, but i don�t care. but i don�t want him anymore. but this whole �hey, lets be friends� thing is interesting for now.
it�s taken me 207kms and 4 months without seeing him to make me realise how i feel for this boy. it�s sort of scary.
22/05/2004 01:51