one crowded hour

waiting up to see the new eskimo joe film clip on rage. well, it's not like 20 past 11 is late. but i'm kinda tired and i have nothing else to do, so i'll probably go to bed soon after. used my first paycheck from my new employer to get tickets for their show in a few weeks. looking forward to hearing the new stuff.

i've got 4 days off and the house to myself. my plans include preparing home made easter treats for mum and granny, emailing tink and mez [sorry girls, it's taken me years to reply, i'm very fucking lazy], doing my first tafe assignment, getting my eyebrows waxed and heading south west to visit the fam.

part of new job is doing a tafe course, cert III in customer contact. woo, funtastic. it's mostly all done at home, but there are some lessons or something, and for that a guy from tafe comes out and we get time off to do it. and because it's run through work, it's classed as a traineeship, which means i get a concession card, which means a year of cheap public transport and movies. rocknroll! i wonder if they offer other courses besides this one, it's a such a sweet deal that i might be tempted to further my education.

fuck, did i even mention that i have a new job? or that i had quit my old one? yes i did. shit, i get confused sometimes about what i mention here and what goes on livejournal. usually whiny emo crap goes here, random crap on lj. most people on my lj friends list, i know in real life and stuff. didn't know i had an eljay? hit other in the links, it's totally fascinating.

so yeah. new job. been there two weeks. my company is the third largest in its field in australia, and the largest provider of its flagship product. i work in the contact centre. i've done two weeks of training, and tuesday will be my first shift out on the floor. i'm not sure if i like it yet, but it seems like a good atmosphere, and good benefits, and i have to pay the bills some how.

goddammit! my mum called and talked all the way through eskimo joe.

home situation is interesting. we have a one bedroom place, so most nights chris sleeps on the couch. i cry a lot. he said today that he doesn't think we'll ever get back together, and as much as i hate the thought of that, i think it's for the best. i'm not sure what i want. mainly just someone to hug who wants to hug me back.

our lease runs out at the end of may. i don't think i can afford to live here by myself. but i don't want to move. i especially don't want to move back home. he wants to move somewhere close by, just with two bedrooms. but i don't know if i really want to live with him any more, it's just a reminder of how things used to be and how different they are now.

and it eats at me that he just stopped loving me one day. and he still hasn't given me a reason as to why.

fuck it, i deserve better than that. i deserve better than him.

14/04/2006 22:52

light | love