somewhere in the sun
i wish the world was flat like the old days
then i could travel just by folding a map
no more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways
there'd be no distance that can hold us back
i've got time, but not money. i've got the means to get there, but perhaps not the motivation. the sun still carries some warmth at this time of year. but the wind would make the air fresh, as i snaked my way through the mountains in my ex-boyfriend's car. in 4 hours or so i'd be there, a map and some music my companions.
clicking random and reading old diary entries makes my mind come back to things that i thought were long buried. and maybe they are. maybe i am coercing myself into dragging these thoughts back up to keep me warm when i sleep in that big bed all by myself.
but maybe i should let myself fall. it might be part of the healing process. and it's safe and there's so much distance and so much time. it's not fucked up or awkward or new.
this diary has been 19 months of light and flowery and often neglected. and finally, my heart is broken, but starting to mend, and my writing is at its most beautiful.
15/04/2006 18:28