must be wrong
and he's gone.
we stayed up to watch the soccer. snuggled up on the couch eating pizza and watching eurovision. i'm not really into soccer, i was just there for the company, so i promptly fell asleep as soon as the game started.
i got up and went to say goodbye to him, and he told me he was leaving when he woke up properly. i thought we had managed to talk him in to staying another night.
and we hugged and kissed, and i said i was gonna come to melbourne. and then i said that i had to leave, that i was running late for work.
i don't really give a fuck about work. i just knew that i wasn't able to hold it together much longer. and if i didn't leave right then, i was either going to cry my eyes out, or not ever be able to let go of him.
and i left. out of that swanky apartment block on the river that i've been to so many times over the last week. and walked to the station. joined the north side commuters wearing last nights clothes and not having had a shower.
i'm a mess because i am going to miss him so much. and also because i don't know what is going to happen. whether this was just a fling, or whether it will be something more.
and there's so much distance.
but he's so wonderful. and we had such a good time together. and he seems to really like me. but i just don't know what he's thinking about what's gonna happen.
and i didn't want to bring down the mood by talking about it.
but still. it was just one of the funnest weeks i've ever had.
and, argh, i just want him here with me to give me a hug.
and he knew who matthew gidley was before he met me, and he got me to make him a cd full of nada surf songs for the trip home, and he knows lines from all the dumb tv shows that i do, and i started reading his blog all those years ago because he mentioned friends of p by the rentals.
surely this is meant to work.
*afterthought: one of the best things i can take away from this is that now my heart remembers how good it is to feel love again. oh, oh, oh. i'm definitely up for the crying on public transport that i didn't do this morning.
10/07/2006 13:41