she caught the sunlight in her eye
"i try not to cry because i know that one day i'm going to find someone who loves me more than you ever did. who spoils me. who gives me gifts, just because. who will never cheat on me. who deserves me."
i wrote that on the 24th of april. i think the day after i found out that chris had moved on with things and i hadn't. and it's come true, entirely.
and now he wonders why i don't want to be friends with him. the thing is, all that "yeah lets be friend and still live together" shit was because i was still in love with him, and i thought if i could just be with him maybe things would go back to normal.
today, i am completely over him. i'm happy that we broke up because i changed my life wholesale and i have found the most perfect person for me.
and now i realise that i don't really like the person that chris is anymore. i don't like what he's done to some people who i am very close to.
and i also don't like what he has done to me. and what he continues to do. he wants to be friends with me. but i'm the only one who will do the friendship bit properly. if we talk, it's normally only because he initiates it, otherwise my attempts go ignored. and usually, when he does talk to me, it's because he wants something.
when it comes down to it. after what i went through in the first half of this year because of him, i think it is totally my call as to whether we are friends, and i say no.
however, i don't plan on being bitchy to him. i just don't want to hang out with him. but if we're together in social situations, of course i am going to be pleasant and say hello and things like that.
and look, the people that i have met because of him, who i care about, mainly ben, shan, rach and mel, all get it. they all understand my side of the story as well as they understand chris's. and they will continue to be friends with both of us. that's because they are above picking sides. and really, there's no sides. be friends with both of us.
when it comes down to it. the proof is here in the archives. read the entries here from the 7th of july 2006 up until now. and then read the entries from the 24th of june 2004 up until about the 25th of september 2004 just to give it the same time frame, and pick which is the happier me. you'll see what i mean.
21/10/2006 19:31