make this last
talking to a friend yesterday, the subject of sex came up. specifically my recent dry spell. his advice was "just pay for it."
this made me think. my first reaction was "no! i could never do something like that." but really, it might be easier. and surely easier than a one night stand. all the preparation, all the guess work of trying to find someone who's not overly hairy, has no obvious issues, and all the awkwardness in the morning gone.
but meh, sex i can live without. well meaningless sex anyhow. i'm too old for one night stands. there's too many games you have to play, too many land mines you have to dance around. i'm too tired, and too cynical these days.
the same friend, when he was with his last boyfriend, i hadn't seen online in months. but as soon as he was single he was back on msn, back on the dating sites, flirting his guts out.
what's the point? i suppose, if you want someone to buy your product, you have to advertise it. but is it a better game plan to go through a thousand guys before you find mr right. or if he's going to come along anyway, should you just busy yourself with other things until he arrives?
however my theory is completely shot out of the water because he has a boyfriend and i'm single. though, my being single is entirely by my design at the moment. i could still be hanging onto something with melbourne boy. it would've been easy to fake it for four days every two months or so. but not fair to him or me.
people are so scared of being alone. there's nothing wrong with being single. sure it sucks sometimes when you have to do stuff by yourself, or when there's no one there to hug at the end of a long day. but i'd rather be sitting here by myself than having an argument with my significant other, or worrying about why he's all of a sudden growing cold.
maybe i'm just jaded. i know the last page so well i can't read the first and all that. but really, i just feel like i'm at a point in my life where i'm not willing to settle for second best. i'm not going to have sex for the sake of it. not going to date a guy just because he's shown interest in me. not going to be with someone just cause they're there.
in other news though, the boy that i do have a crush on went on a date with another girl the other night. i don't know how i feel about that. emo i guess.
15/04/2007 21:59