fractures

he says he wants to pretend this weekend never happened. go back to the way we were before his plotted course deviated slightly and he flipped out. and before i wanted to pick fights with every word he says.

i thought i had accepted that this is who he is. that to have the good, i have to be there through the bad.

right now i'm still so unsure. so detached from it all.

i stayed over last night. i woke up to him wrapped around me, kissing my back. and i felt guilty. so i got up and started getting dressed. as i put my shoes on he asked if we could have dinner on tuesday night. when i answered "i don't know" i was really answering if i ever wanted to see him again.

i left without kissing him goodbye. my heart broke as i watched him standing at his front door, watching me drive off and wondering why i'm so cold.

i am the only person left who hasn't given up on him. it makes me sad, but it also makes me angry at him. because he deserves better. he deserves lots of friends and a girlfriend that isn't as confused about things as i am.

we both want the same things out of life. so why can't we travel down that road together? it's going to be hard to come back from this. and harder still to carry on knowing it's only a matter of time before it happens again

10/05/2010 00:31

light | love